tired.

I feel tired. I really dont know what to do. There's so many things that I'm so tired of. Can the world be crashing down on me or something? I feel like breaking down and cry but its no use. So here I am. It's been a long time since I'm typing here.
In his eyes, Im really nothing. I feel like im a burden to people around me. It's just so weird. I have been depending on my friends, family. It's time for me to take it all back. And not make people worry. Everything, back to myself. Like last time, thats what I have been doing for like most of my life, just because im dumped and cant really let go of it. Thats why I relied on them. I feel like it's time to take it all back. Retreat to my own zone.
Yes, it may be hard at first, i may be unused to it. but I've got no choice. In order to not let people worry about you, is to not let anyone know. A smile, a wave. And everything is like before again.
For him, I dont know anymore. I dont want to avoid this problem. But I cant solve it straight away. So I choose to ignore. I am alone in this. No one can help me, No one can heal me. It's all up to me.
Nowadays, I am beginning to feel nothing. Maybe it's because my sis is away, I dont really need to talk to my parents and friends. I beginning to feel it coming back to me. So I choose not to feel anything. What I do also have no use, what's the point man? Lol. I realized that I like to use lol, to cover up my sadness sometimes. Lol. Hmm, I am a really weird person. I was thinking if I laughed maybe I wouldn't be so sad. Lol, now it sounds kind of foolish when I read. haha. :)
It's alright. For this problem, I am alone. No one can let me forget my love. and no one can make it fade away right away. I got to face it. Although loving him is painful sometimes, I would try my best to stand strong I guess. Lol. I have no choice in this anyway. I feel like I dont really exist in his world, only when he needs help then he would find me. But actually, I feel fine about it, I would be happy helping him. But it's the after that, when I am not really needed, then I feel a bit hurt lah. It's just that I am quite sensitive. Lol.
I dont want him to sound like a bad guy, and he is not a complete ass or stuff. He is a really nice guy. just that I got this weird face and stuff, that isnt appealing to him. Lol. Dont worry, he is very nice to other people(includes boys and girls). He is helpful and tries his best to make people happy. Yes, he does that to me to. For that, I thank him. ^^ For a lot things, I also must thank him. Lol. He also did a lot for me in our relationship previously. I dont want your to make him guilty over my hurt and stuff. It's not his fault. It's my problem. Lol. I got a problem with myself. I know he doesn't love me already, he has his ex-gf to think about. Lol, where got time for me? He will just feel guilty and stuff. He tried to help me forget him too. But I think his method wasn't very good and it kind of back-fired. And make me feel a bit sad. But it's alright. His intention wasn't bad. He was trying to help. I dont want him to always feel guilty over me. If not, all he remembers about me is guilt, guilt and more guilt. And it would make me feel even worse, cause I only want him to be happy. Nothing more. ^^v Remain happy guys. Just one sad person is more than enough. ^^