HEY! Yo everybody~ I today very very very sad. Keep crying non-stop. LOL. Cant stop somemore. So so so ps.... =S
I dedicate this post to my hubby(XY)!! =D Thanks XY for consoling me. =D It worked, lol. Improving le worr~~~
You kind of provide your support in a quiet manner which 'touched' me and I could feel it. =D thanks darling~ You rock! =X lol~
Dont let ppl blow into your ear okay!! I will box them for you! I love you lots~
Friday, April 03, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
today.
I am very happy now! =DDDD
I really feel like I am in love again. LOL. The happiness lah. Today he called me. Although it's at night. He kind of told me what is troubling him. *laughs* And I felt happy, he approached me. Like a small little kid. =.='''
LOL! But the sad thing is, I am not supposed to be happy. I mean like, haiz. Already no hope le. Why still happy over this kind of small thing? Correct or not? You think he won't approach other people meh?
Me: But at least he approach me leh! And tell me! =DDD
Other Me: You want to get hurt again arh? stupid girl. He already say le! He call you is cause he headache. You only get used by him again lah! You damn dumb leh. Can you just wake up from those nonsense? He just needs a person to talk to. Doesn't mean it has to be you.
Me: =( You just crushed all my hopes again. You very mean. He bothered to call me leh, finally! Then you have to be like that. =( I very long never talk to him le leh. Call him, scared disturb him. Sms him, scared distract him. So many things.
Other Me: I have to! crush all your hopes! If not, what am i for? You didn't realise meh? He everytime call you is just for your help de. He call you only ask your help! You think he still like you arh? PUH-LEASE! You think you what? Princess? Rich? Royalty? please lah! Can you please look in the mirror? You are just plain old Gladys. You don't have anything that he will like lah. please lor. Now you still think he will call you back arh? AHA! You dream lor!
Me: But he told me, he will call me back. ='( We talking about gundam until so fun. Then he suddenly say he will call me back later. Although I a bit sad, but he say he will de.
Other Me: =.=''' please lor. You really think he will arh? So many things promised also not done. You think this time he 'SAY' only, will do meh? haiz.
Don't do this to yourself again can? LOL.
Sorry. Really Sorry. :'(
This was occurring in my head. And after that I was really depressed.
I really feel like I am in love again. LOL. The happiness lah. Today he called me. Although it's at night. He kind of told me what is troubling him. *laughs* And I felt happy, he approached me. Like a small little kid. =.='''
LOL! But the sad thing is, I am not supposed to be happy. I mean like, haiz. Already no hope le. Why still happy over this kind of small thing? Correct or not? You think he won't approach other people meh?
Me: But at least he approach me leh! And tell me! =DDD
Other Me: You want to get hurt again arh? stupid girl. He already say le! He call you is cause he headache. You only get used by him again lah! You damn dumb leh. Can you just wake up from those nonsense? He just needs a person to talk to. Doesn't mean it has to be you.
Me: =( You just crushed all my hopes again. You very mean. He bothered to call me leh, finally! Then you have to be like that. =( I very long never talk to him le leh. Call him, scared disturb him. Sms him, scared distract him. So many things.
Other Me: I have to! crush all your hopes! If not, what am i for? You didn't realise meh? He everytime call you is just for your help de. He call you only ask your help! You think he still like you arh? PUH-LEASE! You think you what? Princess? Rich? Royalty? please lah! Can you please look in the mirror? You are just plain old Gladys. You don't have anything that he will like lah. please lor. Now you still think he will call you back arh? AHA! You dream lor!
Me: But he told me, he will call me back. ='( We talking about gundam until so fun. Then he suddenly say he will call me back later. Although I a bit sad, but he say he will de.
Other Me: =.=''' please lor. You really think he will arh? So many things promised also not done. You think this time he 'SAY' only, will do meh? haiz.
Don't do this to yourself again can? LOL.
Sorry. Really Sorry. :'(
This was occurring in my head. And after that I was really depressed.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
me.
I don't know whether I am getting better. But I know I am definitely better than last time when i first received the news everyone! lol. Are your happy? After all the grueling nonsense. Haiz~ =DD happy right?
But the problem is, I don't know whether I am really happy. I know I still love u-know-who. I know it, there's no point avoiding it. And I can still feel it. The foolish smile on my face when I know he's okay and he's happy. The warming of my heart when he is still healthy and having fun. I still feel that as clear as the day. Although I don't really keep in contact with him now. I still do feel. I don't know why, don't ask me why. haiz.
Yes, I am healing. I am happy. But it seems that I managed to convince myself that I am forever happy. Argh. I don't know, Do you understand me? I don't know how to express this well. I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad regarding that manner. It's like I am numb. U know, like I am a robot? I manage to completely deceive myself. I can't cry! I am afraid, why can't I cry?
ARGH.
ARGH.
I realised that on teacher's day when i cried when our classmates asked. I thought I was happy! I really thought that and everything was fine. Except for my studies. EVERYTHING WAS FINE!! I thought I got over it. Then I cried. And I was shocked. They were shocked. And I just quickly wiped my tears, hoping he won't see it. And smiled. just like that.
What's happening?? I am lost.
But the problem is, I don't know whether I am really happy. I know I still love u-know-who. I know it, there's no point avoiding it. And I can still feel it. The foolish smile on my face when I know he's okay and he's happy. The warming of my heart when he is still healthy and having fun. I still feel that as clear as the day. Although I don't really keep in contact with him now. I still do feel. I don't know why, don't ask me why. haiz.
Yes, I am healing. I am happy. But it seems that I managed to convince myself that I am forever happy. Argh. I don't know, Do you understand me? I don't know how to express this well. I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad regarding that manner. It's like I am numb. U know, like I am a robot? I manage to completely deceive myself. I can't cry! I am afraid, why can't I cry?
ARGH.
ARGH.
I realised that on teacher's day when i cried when our classmates asked. I thought I was happy! I really thought that and everything was fine. Except for my studies. EVERYTHING WAS FINE!! I thought I got over it. Then I cried. And I was shocked. They were shocked. And I just quickly wiped my tears, hoping he won't see it. And smiled. just like that.
What's happening?? I am lost.
Friday, December 05, 2008
lonely.
Sometimes I feel like crying at night. And today I did. I succeeded. I was thinking and I cried. It was not much. The hurt wasn't strong anymore. It has ebbed to a itsy bitsy pain in the corner. Those untouched memories I couldn't forget just yet.
Is that supposed to be happy news? I don't think so. I want to cry out loud. really loud. From the bottom of my heart. Where is it? Please come back... Free me from this disease. I am cold. Too cold.
A hug? Anyone? Please help me.
Is that supposed to be happy news? I don't think so. I want to cry out loud. really loud. From the bottom of my heart. Where is it? Please come back... Free me from this disease. I am cold. Too cold.
A hug? Anyone? Please help me.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Birthday.
My birthday passed long time ago. It was one of my saddest birthday in my whole life. LOL. exaggerating? think again. On the starting of my birthday, was scratching myself cause of a mosquito bite. I realised that "hey, why is there some sort watery substance on my fingers?". O.o BLOOD. a-ha-ha. One great way to wish yrself happy birthday. And i sang Happy Birthday to myself as an encouragement. Yes, I know, its pathetic.
Well, so as not to start off with a depressing note, des sms-ed me a happy birthday. ^^ happy. At least one person remembered and wished me happy birthday at exactly 12am. lol. That is extreme sweet of him, at least, i know someone cared. He celebrated my birthday before that, was really fun. He treated me a lot of yummy stuff, was super duper delicious and nice. ^^v YaY for des.
Then comes the horrible birthday. I went to school, studied like usual during lesson. I got a chemistry test on my birthday till 7pm. It was really 'fun' studying hard before my birthday. Well, my choir friend(dear) also wished me happy birthday. lol, i also very happy. My other choir friend also saw me and remembered to wish me too.(I think cause her birthday is one day after mine) lol. Was the starting of a nice day right? sounds nice.
My classmates(can be considered good friends) did not wish me happy birthday. Well, even my lao gong didn't until I told her I was very sad on my birthday. Haiz, and I had to tell her then she wished me. lol. Then i already quite sad. Cause among the mushies, only steph wished me happy birthday. The rest didn't. but well, I guess that was the hardest blow. lol.
Okay, I think, the worse was the part where the mushies go out together without me on my birthday. Yes, I know, I only have to blame for my test on that day. But yeah, I was quite sad I can't go out with them to enjoy the day I was born. So I eventually ended my birthday with a whole lot of crying and emo-ing. Lol. fun? I know, I can predict that next year would be even more so. ^^
Well, so as not to start off with a depressing note, des sms-ed me a happy birthday. ^^ happy. At least one person remembered and wished me happy birthday at exactly 12am. lol. That is extreme sweet of him, at least, i know someone cared. He celebrated my birthday before that, was really fun. He treated me a lot of yummy stuff, was super duper delicious and nice. ^^v YaY for des.
Then comes the horrible birthday. I went to school, studied like usual during lesson. I got a chemistry test on my birthday till 7pm. It was really 'fun' studying hard before my birthday. Well, my choir friend(dear) also wished me happy birthday. lol, i also very happy. My other choir friend also saw me and remembered to wish me too.(I think cause her birthday is one day after mine) lol. Was the starting of a nice day right? sounds nice.
My classmates(can be considered good friends) did not wish me happy birthday. Well, even my lao gong didn't until I told her I was very sad on my birthday. Haiz, and I had to tell her then she wished me. lol. Then i already quite sad. Cause among the mushies, only steph wished me happy birthday. The rest didn't. but well, I guess that was the hardest blow. lol.
Okay, I think, the worse was the part where the mushies go out together without me on my birthday. Yes, I know, I only have to blame for my test on that day. But yeah, I was quite sad I can't go out with them to enjoy the day I was born. So I eventually ended my birthday with a whole lot of crying and emo-ing. Lol. fun? I know, I can predict that next year would be even more so. ^^
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Very nice picture.
This picture is taken by me. ^^. I was in the car while I took it. It was unexpectedly good man. hehex. ^^. Very artistic. I like it. ^^v
It was taken on a Sunday while I was on my way to church.. Whoo hoo. The more I look at it, the more I like it. ha.ha.
By: Gtxl
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Phew.
Nowadays, I am feeling so down. I even talk to myself when I am doing my homework now. And I do it sooooo SLoWlYY.... Geral, man, I didnt mean to make you feel left out okay?
I wasn't very considerate in that, I agree. But I do want you to go out with us k? Your my best friend along with all my mushies k. Haiz, I have been emo-ing for so long. Now, my exams add the stupid stress. Yes, that day I saw geral. And I was apparently thinking of my exam results and whether I will get promoted. I actually got scolded real bad, I was blaming myself for the bad results and I got another stab by my mum. And I couldn't stop crying after she scolded me(she was exceptionally fierce to me for the first time in my life). I think it was due to me, keep watching movies and going out often. Haiz. I am pressuring myself a lot. I need to.
I feel really not like myself. Unlike my secondary school days, I feel the laughter produced are not real anymore. I dont feel happy at all, with my life, with my relationships around. I really feel that way. I need tuition, I need study, I need friends.
I was talking about meeting geral right? I actually thought of that time, she wanted to confront des and we had a mini-quarrel. Then I cried, yes, I cried again. Cause I kind of wanted to just cry and hug her like that time and spill everything out. LOL. But I obviously cant. Firstly, I was near the Admiralty MRT. Secondly, There was a hell lot of people there watching me(cause a few tears kind of popped out of my eye sockets). Thirdly, I didn't want to let my friend worry about me. Fourthly, I promised myself I would be strong. LOL. So much things.
It was the first time in my whole life, I actually got scolded that badly by my mum. I actually felt traumatized after that. LOL. I hid behind the mattress and cried(my cousin couldn't find me at first). LOL. My mum was fierce. really fierce. I was sad. really sad. haha.
Yesterday, I had bouts of emo syndrome again. Apparently, I thought of u-know-who. I know that we can never be "close", even though, I try really hard sometimes. *sad smile* I also felt slight self-pity towards myself.(shouldn't go into detail, if not it will occupy half of this) U know, as usual. I was also extremely tired. I had a headache cause of lack of sleep(have it now also) and I was worried of leaving him alone to emo. So I kind of 'forced' myself to stay awake and was hitting my head vigorously so that it wouldn't hurt so much. Lol. ^^
Today, I played volleyball. I actually felt that the second move we learned today was interesting. First time in my whole life. The teacher actually said that I had potential. LOL. Cause we had to hold the ball up with only our finger pads, couldn't let it touch my palms. ^^. I was happy. lol. I need to really work hard!! I wanted to call one of my friends and 'cry on their shoulders'... lol. Then i stopped myself, I need to be strong. haiz. okay. Need to go off now. HOMEWORK IS AWAITING FOR ME!!!
I wasn't very considerate in that, I agree. But I do want you to go out with us k? Your my best friend along with all my mushies k. Haiz, I have been emo-ing for so long. Now, my exams add the stupid stress. Yes, that day I saw geral. And I was apparently thinking of my exam results and whether I will get promoted. I actually got scolded real bad, I was blaming myself for the bad results and I got another stab by my mum. And I couldn't stop crying after she scolded me(she was exceptionally fierce to me for the first time in my life). I think it was due to me, keep watching movies and going out often. Haiz. I am pressuring myself a lot. I need to.
I feel really not like myself. Unlike my secondary school days, I feel the laughter produced are not real anymore. I dont feel happy at all, with my life, with my relationships around. I really feel that way. I need tuition, I need study, I need friends.
I was talking about meeting geral right? I actually thought of that time, she wanted to confront des and we had a mini-quarrel. Then I cried, yes, I cried again. Cause I kind of wanted to just cry and hug her like that time and spill everything out. LOL. But I obviously cant. Firstly, I was near the Admiralty MRT. Secondly, There was a hell lot of people there watching me(cause a few tears kind of popped out of my eye sockets). Thirdly, I didn't want to let my friend worry about me. Fourthly, I promised myself I would be strong. LOL. So much things.
It was the first time in my whole life, I actually got scolded that badly by my mum. I actually felt traumatized after that. LOL. I hid behind the mattress and cried(my cousin couldn't find me at first). LOL. My mum was fierce. really fierce. I was sad. really sad. haha.
Yesterday, I had bouts of emo syndrome again. Apparently, I thought of u-know-who. I know that we can never be "close", even though, I try really hard sometimes. *sad smile* I also felt slight self-pity towards myself.(shouldn't go into detail, if not it will occupy half of this) U know, as usual. I was also extremely tired. I had a headache cause of lack of sleep(have it now also) and I was worried of leaving him alone to emo. So I kind of 'forced' myself to stay awake and was hitting my head vigorously so that it wouldn't hurt so much. Lol. ^^
Today, I played volleyball. I actually felt that the second move we learned today was interesting. First time in my whole life. The teacher actually said that I had potential. LOL. Cause we had to hold the ball up with only our finger pads, couldn't let it touch my palms. ^^. I was happy. lol. I need to really work hard!! I wanted to call one of my friends and 'cry on their shoulders'... lol. Then i stopped myself, I need to be strong. haiz. okay. Need to go off now. HOMEWORK IS AWAITING FOR ME!!!
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