Phew.

Nowadays, I am feeling so down. I even talk to myself when I am doing my homework now. And I do it sooooo SLoWlYY.... Geral, man, I didnt mean to make you feel left out okay?
I wasn't very considerate in that, I agree. But I do want you to go out with us k? Your my best friend along with all my mushies k. Haiz, I have been emo-ing for so long. Now, my exams add the stupid stress. Yes, that day I saw geral. And I was apparently thinking of my exam results and whether I will get promoted. I actually got scolded real bad, I was blaming myself for the bad results and I got another stab by my mum. And I couldn't stop crying after she scolded me(she was exceptionally fierce to me for the first time in my life). I think it was due to me, keep watching movies and going out often. Haiz. I am pressuring myself a lot. I need to.
I feel really not like myself. Unlike my secondary school days, I feel the laughter produced are not real anymore. I dont feel happy at all, with my life, with my relationships around. I really feel that way. I need tuition, I need study, I need friends.
I was talking about meeting geral right? I actually thought of that time, she wanted to confront des and we had a mini-quarrel. Then I cried, yes, I cried again. Cause I kind of wanted to just cry and hug her like that time and spill everything out. LOL. But I obviously cant. Firstly, I was near the Admiralty MRT. Secondly, There was a hell lot of people there watching me(cause a few tears kind of popped out of my eye sockets). Thirdly, I didn't want to let my friend worry about me. Fourthly, I promised myself I would be strong. LOL. So much things.
It was the first time in my whole life, I actually got scolded that badly by my mum. I actually felt traumatized after that. LOL. I hid behind the mattress and cried(my cousin couldn't find me at first). LOL. My mum was fierce. really fierce. I was sad. really sad. haha.
Yesterday, I had bouts of emo syndrome again. Apparently, I thought of u-know-who. I know that we can never be "close", even though, I try really hard sometimes. *sad smile* I also felt slight self-pity towards myself.(shouldn't go into detail, if not it will occupy half of this) U know, as usual. I was also extremely tired. I had a headache cause of lack of sleep(have it now also) and I was worried of leaving him alone to emo. So I kind of 'forced' myself to stay awake and was hitting my head vigorously so that it wouldn't hurt so much. Lol. ^^
Today, I played volleyball. I actually felt that the second move we learned today was interesting. First time in my whole life. The teacher actually said that I had potential. LOL. Cause we had to hold the ball up with only our finger pads, couldn't let it touch my palms. ^^. I was happy. lol. I need to really work hard!! I wanted to call one of my friends and 'cry on their shoulders'... lol. Then i stopped myself, I need to be strong. haiz. okay. Need to go off now. HOMEWORK IS AWAITING FOR ME!!!