I realise that it's so difficult to find someone to talk to nowadays. Now that I am all 'grown-up', it seems more difficult to find a talking buddy. Just someone that I know I can call and just talk about my troubles/feelings about.
I have good friends around me. Of course I know that. But it's just that in the starting of our friendship, I did not really initiate a heart-to-heart conversation with them. Not that we did not in the past. We did, shared many personal stuff to each other. It is just really rare for me to initiate one. I am finding it difficult to actually ask them for some time off just for me to blabber off some stuffs, just to get out of my system. So awkward to start it off. I always wanna hear any troubles that my friends have but difficult for me to start.
I am quite prideful? Is that it? Lol. And one thing for sure is, I don't know who are willing to spare some time for me to blabber my thoughts to. I was kind of raised in the environment where people do not share intimate stuff to each other and it is not a practice among my friends. It's a real challenge for me...
But it always always feels better whenever I come here and start typing on my laptop about my day/goals/ambitions/emotions.
The friend that I can always find is myself and God, yes? I can always talk to myself. Console myself. Thank myself for not giving up. Praise myself. There is not always gonna be people beside me to do that. Not my friends or my family or my lover. I can always rely on myself and God, who always protects me and oversee me from above.
I am grateful to be born in this country. I am grateful for my family who is mostly supportive and caring towards me. I am grateful for my friends who I know would rush down and help me if I am in dire need. I want to thank myself too and God who has created me.
Although I have not fully overcomed my dislike of myself, I am attempting to do so. I still can't see what is pretty about me that some people think that I have. I still can't feel how nice I am when I look in the mirror.
But I know one thing. God has created me in the image of himself. By disrespecting myself, I am disrespecting him. If I purposely put myself down, I am saying that God does not have the wisdom for creating me. I really used to believe that when I was younger, that I was not enough for anybody so I tried my best to please the people around me. Now, I want to just be myself.
Please lower down your expectations for yourself in the aspect of your self-image. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I deserve to be forgiven when I make them. I cannot please the whole world but I can please God in the actions I do now. Please don't be so harsh on yourself. Believe that you are beautiful inside and deserve to be treated nice...
Why do you want to stand up for others, when you can't stand up for yourself?
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2 comments:
well well, I just realized there is a comment column here. hahaha. there is nothing wrong with wanting to confide to people. I think that is pretty normal. at certain point in time, we would wanna vocalize whatever thoughts and ideas to people we care about. That's normal. there's nothing wrong with that.
You will find it. but before you do that, probably, there is a need for you to take the first step out. im sure your friends are more than willing to hear you out. instead of spending time pondering/feeling how it might inconvenience/trouble others to make time for your blabbering, try look at it from another way. That's you. and they are your friends. What are friends for? a friend in need is a friend indeed. So just pluck up the courage and give it a try! im sure you will gain something in return. =))
Am glad that you are trying to discount yourself less. great move! hahaha. Well, at least for me the first step to be more confident/to be yourself, is to understand yourself. By that, I mean self-awareness. you must not just know about your weakness. but your strengths too. then it will be more balance. then make a choice to improve on areas which you think you might need to improve on. Bear in mind, you don't have to improve on all your weaknesses. it doesn't matter. hey, nobody's perfect. its fine to have some weakness or habits which you don't want to give up on. that's what makes you unique right? hahaa. hope this helps to clear up your mind abit and not makes you more confused! =D
just some of my opinions yah?? =DD
P.S at the very least, you know you are not talking to the wall. =))
Haha. Thanks ya... I just read your comment and it reminded me that yes, I don't need to stress myself on improving my weaknesses all the time.
I'm still slowly exploring my strengths without much progress. Esp now that I'm kind of stressed out.
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