I cant take it anymore.

就让我彻底的伤,再彻底的醒过来. F.I.R song, in this song there is this lyrics. Something I remind myself time and time again. Please, dont let me go back into that miserable hole. I don't even feel like saying what he said to me. It's just too much. I know, he's friend died. I just dont know. Some kind of game? Why do you always say things half-way? He said I shouldn't know so much things cause it is good for me and he should know all the things. What kind of screwed up logic is that? Then he said he shouldn't have talked to me about this story, I said, then you must well say, you shouldn't have known me at all? He said yeah. That's it. The End. I'm serious, it's more than enough already. I cant take it anymore. I tried to help, damn it. I even still love him, that's why I wanna help. And. I dont know. I feel like crying. It doesn't feel good. :'(
Well, to him, I am so sorry you have known me. I am so sorry that you want to know me, if you have told me earlier, I would have avoided you like the plague. I am so very sorry. ha.ha. so sorry.
Well, I know that I am not cute, not photogenic (like what my cousin always emphasize on). It's true, It's obvious. I am neither pretty nor gorgeous. I make disgusting and weird sounds when I laugh(don't know whether you consider it laughter). My face looks really round when I smile, One thing no one likes. For all my life, only one guy confess to me before and he wanted to forget about it so badly, he lost his memories.(I think this is kind of the saddest thing.lol.) I am pitying myself now, no wonder guys wont like me.ha.ha. I behave and sit like a guy, haiz~(trying to kick that habit) not feminine at all, How you want some guy to like me? Unless they want to be gay or something? lol, actually, I dont really find it funny, just trying to lessen the blow. It actually hurts. No wonder the guy I loved so much left me behind without considering much. It's quite upsetting to know the truth thou,I am always lacking and just not enough. His first love and last, he will always remember. Who wont? Who cares about in betweens? I understand why he left me now. Too clearly actually. too clearly.